How to deal with fixation towards an old relationship?
score:4
Now I can't stop checking my messages on the phone to see if she has replied. I know this is fixation but just don't know how to deal with it. What could be a way out of this?
Not much else to do other than to be mindful of it. You see the mind works in the way of habits. The more time spent on something, e.g. thinking about the past or future, that will incline the mind more towards that direction.
When being mindful of the (compulsive) thinking process it will interrupt it. Instead of enforcing the feed-back loop, mindfulness will momentarily break it.
Since we are working with habits, the mind will soon fall into this way of thinking about past and future again when mindfulness is absent. That's when one must apply mindfulness again. When doing this over and over the mind will slowly begin to incline itself towards that direction - the direction of mindfulness, wakefulness and clarity of mind. When that happens compulsive thinking will stop. It cannot go on since it's not being fed anymore. There's no fuel to burn.
In short, just be mindful of these thoughts when they happen. Do that again and again until you can be free from them. That is the only way one can go about this.
Pinning them down with willpower will only suppress them and cause them to erupt violently later. Shifting attention away from them will only bring temporarily relief.
If you want to become free from them for good, you need to observe them with mindfulness until they change, become exhausted and pass away.
May you be well and happy.
Upvote:0
Buddhism teaches a lasting relationship has four mutual qualities, here: AN 4.55.
It appears obviously both of you do not share these qualities therefore your fixation with the old relationship is unrealistic or deluded. More here.
In summary, simply reflect you are not meant for each other.
Also, since she was previously mad at you, obviously you did something really bad. Buddhism teaches such evil deeds lead to 'hell' (read here and MN 130) therefore one should acknowledge their evil deeds and vow to never commit them again. Such thinking will remove the heedless smug unrepentant fixation from your mind.
More post
- π How do I slow down and start living according to my values? How do I change the direction of my life?
- π How does chanting work in Nichiren Buddhism?
- π No compassion, goodwill for oneself?
- π Is unhappiness/happiness something more then negative/positive feeling?
- π What do you think would be a good way to explain death to a child, from a Buddhist perspective?
- π Are non-Theravada monks allowed to eat after noon, and to use money?
- π Does Buddhism claim that our World is an illusion? In other words is it a Matrix? Any proof for this?
- π Doubt and contradiction in buddhas teaching
- π During body-scan ('sweeping') meditation, what does brain-imaging (e.g. fMRI) look like?
- π How to become a better decision maker?
- π Which of the following statements about Nibbana/Nirvana are true?
- π Is practicing Buddhism to be happy a wrong view?
- π Doesn't pΔ«ti mean love?
- π My thinking mind as subject of my meditation stops my thinking
- π The arising of arrogance
- π How do time and space exist?
- π Personal practices of meditation
- π Elder Beginner Practicing Theravada
- π If someone steals my goods/harms me then is it ok to take revenge on him/her?
- π How do i Focusing on the breath and letting thought go
- π Killing neighbours dog
- π As Buddhists, what do you make out of the tragedy of Tibet?
- π Worry about life, body, health: obstacle for Arahataphala?
- π Why is a sotΔpanna defined as unable to take another teacher and unable to commit matricide?
- π Accurate and Concise Translation of Dhamma Qualities
- π is dependent origination akaliko and Nibbana
- π Abhidhamma vs Sutta: Did the Buddha teach about the birth of things?
- π Does the aggregate of consciousness depend on the aggregates of sensation, perception and mental formations?
- π Karma responsibility regarding beheadings
- π What is the difference between an arhat, bodhisattva and a buddha?
Source: stackoverflow.com
Search Posts
Related post
- π How to deal with fixation towards an old relationship?
- π How to deal with people and handle rude language?
- π How to deal with bad past karma that makes my current life miserable?
- π How to deal with body pain during meditation?
- π How do I deal with Buddhist teaching's complexity?
- π How to deal with criticism?
- π Is it helpful, how is it possible, to deal with anger by 'accepting' it with equanimity?
- π How to deal with suffering and losing faith?
- π How to deal with immense guilt over past acts of cruelty? Is sincere repentance and striving really enough?
- π How to deal with our aversions & judgements?
- π Where are the Eight Worldly Winds and how to deal with them described?
- π How to deal with sore hips during sitting?
- π How did Buddha deal with people that were sexually attracted to him?
- π How to deal with being ignored?
- π How to deal with obstacles (with Sutta reference)
- π Health anxiety - how to deal with it?
- π How do I deal with Aversion?
- π How should Buddhists deal with Loneliness
- π How to deal with people and colleagues who are angry, complaining or seeking attention?
- π How to deal with mediocrity
- π How to deal with loved ones who don't support you?
- π Suttas which explain how to deal with unwholesome habits
- π How does teaching of Buddhism deal with waste? How does teaching of Buddhism deal with acceptance even it causes unhappiness?
- π How to deal with insults?
- π How do I develop a healthier relationship with images?
- π How to deal with distractions during meditation?
- π How does Buddhism deal with failure?
- π How to deal with people giving reviews to the teaching?
- π How to deal with ADHD and OCD like symptoms causing issues during meditation?
- π How to deal with post meditation frustration?