Wanting something
Upvote:0
"wanting to get a relationship" comes from lust/craving. Hence it is unwholesome. But lay people are not expected to give up on relationships. They just have to keep to the 3rd precept where one avoids relationships that come under sexual misconduct.
However, if you are determined to advance to the next level of being celibate, you can practice Patikulamanasikara meditation or Satipatthana meditation. Once your lust is subdued/weakened, staying single becomes comfortable and preferable. There is no instant fix to mental issues. The mind needs to be cultivated with meditation over a period of time.
Upvote:3
As my teacher explained (sorry, this looks silly, but I always have to start my answers with something like this, since I'm not quoting texts but none of this is my invention),
there is a difference between a desire (aka "should") and an intent (aka "will")
Desire is a point of inner discontent. Half of you is here, without girlfriend, and the other half is there in your imaginary future, with girlfriend. This split creates inner conflict that leads to the feeling of wrongness, mental/emotional suffering.
Intent is a case of inner integration and inner peace, based on unbending determination. All of you is here. You have thought about your goal, you have determined the best possible course of action (such as doing something; or not doing at all - i.e. waiting; or exposing oneself to spirit and chance; or being oneself authentically) and now you're living it with no back thoughts and no hesitations. Because you are like this, there is no inner conflict, there is no mental/emotional suffering.
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