How can mindfulness/awareness be employed effectively for Forgiveness?
score:3
I want forgiveness for what others did to me and also forgiveness for myself for my past actions.
The first part isn't in your sphere of control. Having preferences like that other people better forgive you is in and of itself ok, however, if you turn that healthy preference into a command that they SHOULD forgive that will result -as in your case - in anger.
You can however cultivate self-acceptance. You judge your acts as bad but not your personhood. You judge the deed, not the doer, for the doer is fallible and too complex to give a global evaluation.
Just observing ill-will won't necessarily change your underlying beliefs and the resulting perceptions. You need an alternative perception that weakens the old belief. Therefore, mettā is employed to attenuate anger and increase kindness.
Refer to MN 62
"Develop the meditation of good will. For when you are developing the meditation of good will, ill-will will be abandoned.
"Develop the meditation of compassion. For when you are developing the meditation of compassion, cruelty will be abandoned.
"Develop the meditation of appreciation. For when you are developing the meditation of appreciation, resentment will be abandoned.
"Develop the meditation of equanimity. For when you are developing the meditation of equanimity, irritation will be abandoned.
~
You can also try to view people as unique, complex and fallible human beings (like you!), whose mind and body are constantly changing (like yours!), and that they too are often prey of environmental factors and prior mind/body conditioning (again, like you!) -> At that moment in time these people haven't had better coping skills to regulate their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. In short: "It seemed so to them."
See them as human beings that have certain aspects that are annoying and then you can take that aspect and wish them metta with regards to the opposite positive quality. So if a person is annoying or dishonest, you can wish them: "May they know the happiness resulting from honesty and friendliness".
No matter which technique you employ, repetition is key. I employ especially the self accepting technique for over 2 years and it works out. Of course, sometimes I do get angry, but that is to be expected because I too am a fallible human being who can learn from his mistakes and try to restrain himself in the future.
Upvote:1
First, it may be right to disassociate the act from the person. I'm told that a state-of-the-art among pre-school teachers (and maybe parents), for example, is that when a young child does something wrong, you don't say:
You're a bad boy!
You reprove the act, not the person:
Don't hit people when you want something. Ask for it, use your words.
Two reasons:
- The criticism is more specific (what not to do) and constructive (what to do instead)
- The lesson that "I am a bad boy" is not the lesson that you want the child to learn!
Similarly you might think about your friends "That was an unskillful action, hurtful", rather than, "They are bad, they hurt me" etc.
Second, if I fall of a bicycle unexpectedly and hurt myself, I've been inclined to worry about it until I work out how and why it happened -- so I can avoid repeating the mistake ... because I don't want to live in fear of its happening again for the same unknown reason.
Likewise it seems to me that a sincere and important part of an apology is something like, "I did wrong and I won't do it again."
I think that if you have any real assurance that it won't happen again, then you can afford to forgive and/or forget it (but otherwise that's more difficult).
Sometimes the hurt is of a kind where you can't get an apology: where "they" won't apologise, or the actor is a bit impersonal (maybe a war, a crime, a car crash). That kind of experience can cause what people call "post traumatic stress disorder" (PTSD) where you keep reliving the experience. PTSD is a real problem, there are therapies for it (I don't know of any Buddhist therapies) that you might want to investigate further, one of which they call "mindfulness" -- which includes being/remaining aware of what's happening now and the fact that the traumatic experience is past.
Third, if you want to forgive yourself in some way, perhaps it's good to do good things -- to intend well (e.g., kindly), and to act well when possible.
Buddhism praises both harmlessness and generosity, for example. Practising either or both of these, perhaps remembering (when you recollect your "past lives") that you have been harmless and well-intentioned, may result in your experiencing no remorse.
Fourth, you may want to compare yourself with others -- see that you're like others, better than some, only human ... not judge yourself too harshly.
The Christian prayer includes "forgive us, like we forgive others" (which sounds sensible to me).
Also when "compare yourself with others" it's good to find or recognise people who you think may be better than you, and learn from them, learn to practice as they do.
Upvote:1
"Mindfulness" means to "remember to apply" the teachings.
Therefore, mindfulness remembers the teaching that anger & hatred bring suffering and thus remembers to give up anger, hatred, resentment, etc, per Dhp 5:
Dhp 5. Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.
Mindfulness also remembers the reality of Dependent Origination; that the "doer" of bad karma is "ignorance" rather than "persons", per SN 12.17.
“How is it, Master Gotama: is suffering created by oneself?”
“Not so, Kassapa,” the Blessed One said.
“Then, Master Gotama, is suffering created by another?”
“Not so, Kassapa,” the Blessed One said.
“How is it then, Master Gotama: is suffering created both by oneself and by another?”
“Not so, Kassapa,” the Blessed One said.
Without veering towards either of these extremes, the Tathagata teaches the Dhamma by the middle: ‘With ignorance as condition, formations come to be; with formations as condition, consciousness…. Such is the origin of this whole mass of suffering. But with the remainderless fading away and cessation of ignorance comes cessation of formations; with the cessation of formations, cessation of consciousness…. Such is the cessation of this whole mass of suffering.’”
Thus, similarly, the "doer" of past unskillful action was "ignorance" rather than "myself".
If it is realised the doer of past unskillful actions was "ignorance" then those actions will also be seen clearly as wrong actions; thus those actions will not be repeated in the future. Dhp says:
172. He who having been heedless is heedless no more, illuminates this world like the moon freed from clouds.
173. He, who by good deeds covers the evil he has done, illuminates this world like the moon freed from clouds.
Upvote:2
My teacher gave me the following instructions. After the vipassana meditation session, end with giving and asking forgiveness; and after that do a short metta wish.
Example:
<< forgiveness >>
I wish to ask for forgiveness from all beings and persons whom I have, in the past, with or without intention, hurt or harmed in thoughts, words or deeds.
I wish to forgive all beings and persons who have, in the past, with or without intentions, hurt or harmed me in thoughts, words or deeds.
[Note: English is not my first language. Please create a sentence that makes more sense to you. Hope you get the gist though.|
<< metta wish >>
Ahaṁ sukhito homi (niddukkho homi, avero homi, abyāpajjho homi, anīgho homi, sukhī attānaṁ pariharāmi)
May I be happy, free from suffering, free from enmity, diseases and grief, free from troubles, difficulties and dangers and look after myself with ease.
Sabbe sattā sukhitā hontu (niddukkhā hontu, averā hontu, abyāpajjhā hontu, anīgha hontu, sukhī attānaṁ pariharantu)
May all beings be happy, free from suffering, free from animosity, diseases and grief, free from troubles, difficulties and dangers and look after themselves with ease.
I usually do that one just in Pali. So, both things are to be done at the end of each regular meditation session.
Hope this helps.
More post
- 📝 Does buddhism allow for families?
- 📝 Why is Nanavira considered controversial?
- 📝 Where to get the genuine e-book on "Jataka Tales" in English?
- 📝 If buddha never got angry, why do so many buddhist teachers say anger is inescapable?
- 📝 are mundane acts of compassion meaningful?
- 📝 Reflexive awareness?
- 📝 Help! I'm in love with enlightened man
- 📝 How does Buddhism see Required Military Service?
- 📝 Can Right View be interpreted as scientific fervor?
- 📝 How is Zazen different from Anapanasati?
- 📝 Why living beings like / dislike things in the world?
- 📝 Why Become Buddhist?
- 📝 Is Buddha nature everywhere the same?
- 📝 Latent tendencies, memories of this life and brain damage, dementia
- 📝 Harsh speech and insanity
- 📝 Do Buddhists talk about insides?
- 📝 Questions about Chogyam Trungpa's unique presentation of the five skandhas?
- 📝 Buddhism and the middle path
- 📝 It's ok to grow, harvest and consume vegetables and fruits, because they are not sentient?
- 📝 According to Buddhism, everything that happens, happens for a reason, which is due to karma. How does Utu Niyama, Bija niyama fit into this?
- 📝 Is there a specific range of meditation styles that could help with extreme clumsiness and disconnected mind-body?
- 📝 What role does zen or zazen play in Tendai?
- 📝 What are the differences of Phala Samapatti between each stage of sainthood?
- 📝 What Ahosi kamma really is?
- 📝 How does extinction fit in the 12 links?
- 📝 Meditation and good deeds vs clarity of mind during death
- 📝 Continuity of memories as a proof of the existence of self
- 📝 How compatible are (Theravada) Buddhism and the Western life?
- 📝 Sending metta to fictional charcters ?
- 📝 I do not know what is my Dhamma anymore; Can anyone help?
Source: stackoverflow.com
Search Posts
Related post
- 📝 How can mindfulness/awareness be employed effectively for Forgiveness?
- 📝 How can I remove my desire for a relationship/girlfriend?
- 📝 In the wheel of life, how can death be a condition for ignorance?
- 📝 How we can develop metta for terrorists?
- 📝 How can you use daily walks for spiritual growth in Diamond Way Buddhism?
- 📝 What exactly are the last two of the Arupa Jhanas? How can we transcend them and for what?
- 📝 How does our inactions contribute to Karma?... For eg:How can you justify act of your cook killing an animal for your non buddhist guest?
- 📝 How can Name-and-form be the cause and condition for the manifestation of the consciousness aggregate?
- 📝 How can I stop thinking about the clock when meditating? I meditate for 30 minutes every day
- 📝 How can I live life knowing other people work so hard for so little and people and animals suffer
- 📝 How can fiction writing be best used for achieving enlightenment?
- 📝 How can mindfulness be maintained while receiving and processing information?
- 📝 How can I practice mindfulness meditation with sound, not breathing?
- 📝 How do Buddhists talk about forgiveness and turning the other cheek, for extreme wrong doing?
- 📝 Craving-clinging leads to volitional actions that can be used for duties. If I let go of craving, how would I do duties to family?
- 📝 If there is no soul, how can there be rebirth?
- 📝 Lust - How Can it be Overcome?
- 📝 How can I assess the quality of a local Buddhist group?
- 📝 How does one practice mindfulness during thinking - e.g. thinking about how to solve a problem?
- 📝 Can environmental degradation be used as a justification for the culling of an invasive alien species?
- 📝 How can I know that I am clear of thoughts while I am meditating?
- 📝 Does being in a commited married life make it impossible to attain Nirvana? If not, how can one progress towards Nirvana?
- 📝 How can I respond to Christians' unpleasant feedback on Buddhism?
- 📝 How much is the minimal time for practicing Vipassana in daily life for achieving better mindfulness?
- 📝 Overwhelming thoughts - Mindfulness and awareness
- 📝 How can I build up to being able to get into the full lotus position?
- 📝 Why is mentally reproducing music so hard to control? How can it be counteracted?
- 📝 How can you see suffering in the breath?
- 📝 How to use Sloth and Torpor as an object for meditation
- 📝 How can Nirvana (Nibbana) be permanent?