Upvote:1
The state was very near total quiet and peace. It was at the most peaceful place a consciousness could be within the realm of my experience. I sensed a piece material comprising a wall, and they started vibrating very hard and as it vibrated it cracked and intuitively I pressed on that and it shattered....Things completely flat lined, absolute peace, incredibly vast space, just a consciousness in space without limit....I had no sensations of my body, no pain, physical sensations, no breathing, and almost no sound. Then my mind just took itself back, I made no effort to stay or go...a whole lot of the permanent deep seated stress (PTSD) of many events events of the last 10 years were gone (2 long term unemployment experiences, complete loss of wealth, near homelessness, the drug addiction of one of my kids, and divorce). The persistent stress that was a part of my identity had vanished and has now been gone for months.
Thank you for your lovely & inspiring post.
My explanation is this was a vivid experience of the inherent purity of mind/consciousness, including experiencing the capacity/ability of the mind to purify/cleanse itself of conditioned impure emotions (refer to Pabhassara Sutta).
The peace is the Nirvana Element and the vibrations are the Suffering (Dukkha) Elements and when the Nirvana Element 'touched' the Suffering Elements, the Suffering Elements were dissolved/shattered by the Nirvana Element (just like pure water can dissolve/clean dirt).
Thus, your accumulated PTSD from the mind attaching & clinging to the vicissitudes of life was also shattered or cleansed.
I would say your experience was not 'jhana' but it was a profound cleansing catharsis (from which consciousness can get very exalted), which is a most excellent, beneficial & healthy experience to have.
The mind (rather than "you" or "ego"), after many years, itself decided to clean up the mess in its house. Its like the digestive system deciding to go to the toilet.
This video about Ajahn Chah may be relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1oK4Vt_ntY