Caught in a bind; what to do?

Forgive me as I am late. But I thought I would put my thoughts here. This question actually came as a suggestion when I was typing out my own question. I decided to "let go" of my question which is very similar to this and go out on a hunch and answer this instead, which may seem weird, but here goes. Also, I will say what I perceive as The Buddha's teaching as purely common sense in my answers as I like to speak out of my own experiences and observations. I think Gautama Buddha is a very common sense person, when it comes to affairs as a psychologist. He speaks very simple things if I am to believe the texts. I am not an enlightened being nor do I wish to be one. I honestly don't care about enlightenment or Nirvana, no matter how much people say that it is the highest goal.

Now, I totally understand what you're going through and your background in understanding the ego. After listening to all those people, Watts, Sadhguru, Ram Dass, you name it, what helps and doesn't help at the same time is the moment we get back to our self. Those quiet moments we have to ourselves bring back our issues because, the ego doesn't let go so easily. We do think back to what all those realized masters have to say as a consolation. What I'd suggest is letting go of those people's teachings. Take the crux of the matter as you know it AHEAD. Don't go BACKWARD. I have a hunch you're stuck with the thoughts and feelings those teachings gave you and then since the feeling of peace was impermanent, you lost it and consequently there is a feeling of loss. It wrecks that peace which didn't last too long. And of course, you feel lost.

Consider this. We are stuck anyway in this Samsara as the Buddha puts it. Let's strive to get unstuck from our "oh-my-god, what-am-I-doing?" moments, to just being, doing and living. Let's move ahead, moment by moment. Use your breath as an anchor to help you get back to the current moment. Just living it. Yes it is really hard. But I'd suggest taking all moments at face value and just saying "Its okay.". About the thoughts that have cropped up I'd suggest giving them up as they are only thoughts. Why I say this is that, full acceptance of the situation, whatever that maybe, is necessary to make our next rational choice in talking to someone, or in carrying out our next activity, and in living life as it is. Also, don't get stuck in the feeling that you lost your ego because you realized it intellectually. Its hiding ;) Its a creepy little guy backing up on you when you least expect it.

Your loss of interest in any activity is most probably because you suddenly see no point in anything FOR YOURSELF (the ego playing back here). Might I come to a very similar question? What is the point of life? Or why are we here? It is to live. Whatever the situation maybe. Experience it for what it is. You can't really quit life, that'll just be nonsensical suicide. This life is precious for its moments. When you live it fully and truly let go of seeking anything, you'll start gaining more peace. Mindfulness may be a thing but that's all just hype nowadays. Just fashionable terms being thrown about in the hope that someone falls into that trap or propaganda. Let it be. Let everything be. All your opinions included. They will arise. They will pass. Don't try to hold the cup on your head, take it and keep it down on the table or something and let it be.

I'd suggest a healthy mix of rationality, questioning and peaceful acceptance is what you need, to live, in your situation. By peaceful acceptance, I mean to say, take everything you see/read with a pinch of salt and try to live simply or try doing activities just as an experience, without judging. Like a child, if I may say. This is because everything changes. Don't cling to moments. Keep dancing with them and move ahead. Take what life has to give you and breathe. Be grateful that you are given so many breathing moments.

You've observed little kids of course. They just go about joyfully onto the next activity, the next moment and hardly bear any grudges or are not really stuck in any moment. Of course we can laugh our way through life, its not a problem. What I mean to say is accept all sorrows and joy equally in life as you experience it.

This is what I experienced. I am also partly stuck like you. It is frustrating that the solution is so subtle. But I'd like to say that by relaxing and breathing and being meditative as I do everyday activities, I allow a certain calm to pervade me. I don't know if I made sense there.

What do I do with my life upon the realization of no self?

What stops is I-making, mine-making or self conceiving. (Anusaya) Ānanda Sutta, (Anusaya) Sāriputta Sutta Also everything conceivable is not self, non self or not worthy of being identified as self. Saying there is no self is an extreme view.

Why should I continue to do this? For money? Who cares when my heart really isn't in it?

There is nothing wrong in earning a living as long as it is Right Livelihood.

I can avoid the pain of attachment to health, to status, to such ideas as constants, but what good am I trying to help others understand that too? I have the understanding of it for myself, but I truly lack the depth of it to teach this, to help people out.

If you are attached you do not make the right decision. You might make a decision out of fear or without taking all into account. The best if to use Bhavana / Vipassanā to reduce this attachments.

What good does no self

Well as mentioned above it is not self. If I am to rephrase this as what good is realisting not self. I-making leads to craving and future misery due to conditioning.

What do I do with my life upon the realization of no self?

I'm sorry but I'm going to try to reply using 'received wisdom'.

You presumably know, a famous 'zen proverb': "Before Enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water."

Perhaps you'll be looking at the ninth and tenth of the Ten Bulls.

Have you met the "brahma viharas"? For example do you know there is such a thing as "metta"?

The "realization of no self" might be an opportunity to practice mudita.

Why should I continue to do this? For money? Who cares when my heart really isn't in it?

Some people recommend, not acting out of "desire", but acting out of "responsibility".

For example there's this answer (the following advice is from the Pali canon rather than Zen):

In brief, duty and responsibility should be what dictate our worldly affairs, not concern or care.

See also this answer:

• For a monk:

  In an absolute sense, we only have two responsibilities:

  "Bhante, in this religion, how many duties are there?"

  "The duty of study and the duty of insight. These are the only two duties, bhikkhu."

  -- Dhp-A 1

• For a lay person:

  In a practical sense, a lay person has duties towards six groups of people:

  "And how, young householder, does a noble disciple cover the six quarters?

  "The following should be looked upon as the six quarters. The parents should be looked upon as the East, teachers as the South, wife and children as the West, friends and associates as the North, servants and employees as the Nadir, ascetics and brahmans as the Zenith.

  -- DN 31 (Narada, trans)

I grasp the pain of others and understand that most of their pain comes from their point of reference mostly, and all I can do about that is reason in my head how their ego creates it. How do I help them see that?

People say that, of the Threefold Training, it's the first (i.e. "virtue", i.e. relating with others) that's the most difficult to perfect.

I can avoid the pain of attachment to health, to status, to such ideas as constants, but what good am I trying to help others understand that too? I have the understanding of it for myself, but I truly lack the depth of it to teach this, to help people out.

Some people are helpful, friendly, compassionate, loving, kind, and good to know.

Perhaps you can find work with someone like this. Perhaps you can become friends with someone like this. Perhaps you can find people who do have the depth to teach this.

The Upaddha Sutta mentions,

As he was sitting there, Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."

"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.

The footnote says,

As AN 8.54 points out, this means not only associating with good people, but also learning from them and emulating their good qualities.

I guess I'm mostly asking for resources

People have suggested some "useful resources", which are listed on this page. Please feel free to ask for anything more specific.

A few more random ideas:

• There are, I don't know, other things you can do as a hobby. Hobbies are a way to connect. In the Zen tradition there's calligraphy (see for example here or here).

• I don't know the States but you seem to be about two hours' drive from New York. Maybe there's someone to meet in or near New York. :-)

• Maybe you can create a resource in your home/town: advertise that you're practising Buddhism (study, discussion, meditation, charity) and invite people to join you.

What good does no self and realizing the unity with everything else that there is only to have it beaten out of you

I'll try to answer this literally:

• What good does no self ...

  The good of "no self" is that things (including sensory experiences) are impermanent and unsatisfactory: and so you would risk feeling dissatisfaction if you took (mistook) these things to be yourself.

  People cause trouble (for themselves and others) by being greedy and angry i.e. "selfish". If you can avoid contributing to that then so much the better.

• ... only to have it beaten out of you

  That sounds quite violent.

  It also reminds me of the Zen story Nothing Exists.

  I imagine that, things being impermanent, anything "beaten out" can re-enter.

You don't need to do anything special to live mindfully. Your present situation is irrelevant. You can be mindful at work, and spend all the rest of your free time doing formal meditation. All things are the same, arising and passing away. If you feel you need more time for formal meditation and wish to do some real good teaching others what you learn, then ordain as a monk.

I would suggest you attend an extended meditation course. Doing this will give you a much better feel of what the practice actually is than just doing it by yourself, and will equip you to seriously implement it into your life.

You say there's nothing around you to do this, but a google search of "Pennsylvania Vipassana retreats" yielded this immediately :

SN Goenka Retreats

This mid-atlantic site lists retreat locations in several states near Pennsylvania.

Even if the Vipassana taught there isn't exactly the practice you'd prefer to do, its a good starting point and a great exposure to what practice really is to go and do a 10 day retreat. If you're able to travel even farther, then you could do a longer one somewhere else. What you're able to do depends only on how serious you are about it and how far you're willing to take it.

It's amazing when you go from living a "normal" life of seeking pleasure, comforts, possessions, status, etc. to recognizing that none of those things brings lasting happiness and seeking spiritual truths instead. It's also disorienting. What previously motivated you, may no longer do so.

What do I do with my life upon the realization of no self?

You can begin a serious program of Buddhist practice and study to see where it leads you. The authors you mentioned are mostly modern authors. There is a world of ancient wisdom of the Buddha's teachings to be explored and more importantly, experienced both through formal meditation and by applying what you learn in daily life.

Why should I continue to do this? For money? Who cares when my heart really isn't in it?

Money is useful for being charitable which is one of the first Perfections or virtues in Buddhism. It's an extraordinarily useful thing for a compassionate being to have to help where there is need. There is nothing wrong with seeking a job that's more in line with your new perspective; but don't think that money is worthless. In Buddhism, money is not considered evil. Attachment to money is the problem; hence the virtue of Dāna.

I grasp the pain of others and understand that most of their pain comes from their point of reference mostly, and all I can do about that is reason in my head how their ego creates it. How do I help them see that?

You cannot hand someone else wisdom. You can develop your own mind and your own understandings. This can make you a good role model (for lack of a better word) for those in your daily life who are suffering. People don't always notice or welcome the words you want to say to them. But they notice your actions and the manner in which you live your life. You might inspire some of them to consider practicing meditation too, by your example. This can help them to reduce their suffering by seeing the causes of greed, hatred, and delusion in their lives.

I can avoid the pain of attachment to health, to status, to such ideas as constants, but what good am I trying to help others understand that too? I have the understanding of it for myself, but I truly lack the depth of it to teach this, to help people out.

Same as above. Developing your own wisdom and compassion spills over onto those around you. They may see the good changes in you and be inspired by those changes.

how can I make the experience and understanding of no self as a fabric to living a full life with that understanding as the heart of it, not something that is often treated as an extra, an aside, to daily living?

This goes back to your first question. Beginning a serious program of Buddhist practice and study can easily become the meaningful focus of your days, leading to changes in you which can both directly and indirectly help those around you. Spending time studying and practicing meditation is not a selfish pursuit, it's actually a great act of kindness and compassion to develop yourself in this way as it benefits both yourself and others.

edit:

This World Buddhist Directory may be helpful to you to find places within traveling distance that could serve as local support to your practice.

Altruism is best when it is a natural calling. Some are more inclined to solitute. Regardless, time living with like-minded peole (spiritual friends or Kalynamitta) is the general Buddhist approach for getting through the 'adjustment period' from world alientation to a spiritual social intregration. I would suggest to spend some time in a monastic environment, to investigate the lifestyle. In the monastary is learned a unique way of intregrating egoless with interaction. It might be like going 'home'. It may not. A domestic plane, bus or train ride won't hurt. Try this link: https://forestsangha.org/community/monasteries/continents/north-america

What do I do with my life upon the realization of no self?

Who is asking this? :) Who is "I" and what is "my" in that sentence? :)

What do I do with my life upon the realization of no self? Why should I continue to do this? For money? Who cares when my heart really isn't in it?

A monk said to Joshu, “I have entered this monastery. I beg you to teach me” Joshu asked.

“Have you eaten your rice- gruel?” “I have,” replied the monk.

“Then”, said Joshu, “go and wash your bowl(s).”

The monk was enlightened.

I grasp the pain of others and understand that most of their pain comes from their point of reference mostly, and all I can do about that is reason in my head how their ego creates it. How do I help them see that?

I can avoid the pain of attachment to health, to status, to such ideas as constants, but what good am I trying to help others understand that too? I have the understanding of it for myself, but I truly lack the depth of it to teach this, to help people out.

Can you avoid the pain of not being able to help people out? It is easy to fall into the trap of messiah illusion, that your enlightenment is somehow a beacon for others or that it can somehow be forced against the will of the people and relieve them of the pain to which we often cling so strongly. There is only pain and frustration there.

Remember to wash your bowl. And I forgot it as I wrote it ^_^

For me, it helps me to get drunk. It helps me remember how stupid I am, and how good it feels, it's far too easy to get trapped in self-importance of no-self.

Many "enlightened" people I met get involved into a super-tricky subtle ego, squaking like a buddha, walking like a buddha, but not a buddha. Getting drunk and stupid sometimes relieves them of their self-importance and their pain.

I guess buddhism in the Balkans can take specific and funny culturally-relevant shapes ^_^

Check out a book called "Nirvana, The Last Nightmare" by Osho, watch a 1987 cartoon called "Man Who Planted Trees" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093488/)