Any authentic sutta from any tradition that gives guidance on what kind of partner to choose?
score:20
Here's a summary of Chapter 5 of The Buddha's Teachings to Laypeople: Practical Advice for Prosperity and Lasting Happiness.
- If you fail to find suitable associates it's better to be "like a solitary rhinoceros"
- Leave aside unproven traditional criteria: including race, caste, gender, and external appearance (and creed)
- A person's inner development is more important than their birth
Be cautious of first impressions and initial understandings
People cannot be know well by their appearance
Nor can they be trusted after brief impression.
Yes, the undisciplined may roam in the world
In the attire of the well displined.Associate with a person, observe and evaluate their words and actions
- Be wise and rational in order to obtain a clear picture of the person you're evaluating
- Find wise people who cause no fear or worry
Look for someone who is compatible in four ways:
- Similar confidence in spiritual development
- Similar respect for self-discipline
- Similar respect for humanistic practices
- Similar level of wisdom
These similarities are "so important for a peaceful marriage".
Spiritual development: if one person respects spiritual believes and practices, and the other holds them in total disregard, then the two people are simply incompatible.
Self-discipline: if one partner is well-disciplined and the other unscrupulous then their incompatibility will become obvious and cause problems.
Humanistic practices: includes dana, also caga (generous acts).
Level of wisdom: i.e. samapanna, includes knowledge, skill, emotional maturity, reasoning power; doesn't mean that both should have same education and intellectual ability, but wide difference in these areas could cause incompatibility and lead to conflicts.
Chapter 6 is about how to treat your partner after you marry.
Upvote:6
There is some guidance from the Sigalovada Sutta on the responsibilities of the husband and wife. So, by extension, a suitable partner is one who can fulfil these responsibilities.
"In five ways should a wife as the western direction be respected by a husband: by honoring, not disrespecting, being faithful, sharing authority, and by giving gifts.
"And, the wife so respected reciprocates with compassion in five ways: by being well-organized, being kindly disposed to the in-laws and household workers, being faithful, looking after the household goods, and being skillful and diligent in all duties.
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