Refuse the Call of God?

You have been designed specifically by God. He determined where and when you would be born, to which parents, in what demographic of society, with what experiences, skills, personality, and desires. He has blessed you with specific spiritual strengths. Your identity comes from Him. He has designed you for a specific role within His kingdom.

So you don't have to fit any other person's tag/label/box of who you are. How you serve God will be unique to how he has designed you. On the other hand, you shouldn't shrink back from his identity for you. If He has called you to spread the word of God in some specific way, then living any other way will not be fully satisfying.

I don't know exactly what it is that you think God wants you to do that you don't want to do. But let's assume for the sake of argument that the premise of your question is completely correct: God wants you to do X, but you don't want to do X.

It's not at all uncommon that we do not "feel like" doing what is right. I don't feel like working eight hours a day to get my paycheck: I'd rather goof off all day and still get paid. But that would be stealing. I don't feel like admitting fault when I could easily talk my way out of trouble with a lie. I don't feel like changing the channel when a TV show gets too sexually explicit. Etc, etc. Sometimes I have the willpower to do what is right even when I don't feel like it. Sometimes I give in to tempatation.

I don't suppose that Jesus "felt like" dying an agonizing death on the cross. But he did it, because it was the good and right thing to do.

Don't worry about your feelings. What matters is not how you feel, but what you do. Jesus said, "By their fruit you shall know them." You can tell a good man by what he does, not by how he feels.

Suppose you are driving down the road and you see someone lying on the sidewalk, obviously bleeding and injured. What matters to that unforunate victim: Whether you feel like helping him, or whether you actually do help him? If you stop and help him and get him to the hospital, he will not care that you really didn't want to stop because you were in a hurry to get home and play your new video game. If you don't stop and help him, will he (or his family, if you leave him to die) really be consoled by your voice mail message that you really felt bad for him and wanted to stop and help, but then you decided you didn't have time?

Do what's right. Let feelings follow actions, not the other way around.

Jeremiah felt your pain. In chapter 20, he cries out against God, blaming God that he had to deliver these messages of woe. He goes so far as to accuse God of deceiving him:

You have deceived me, Yahweh, and I let myself be deceived, you are stronger than I and have overpowered me. I have become a laughingstock the whole day, the whole of it mocks me. Every time I speak, cry out “Violence!” and “Destruction!” shout, (then) the word of Yahweh becomes for me a reproach and derision the whole day;

That said, Jeremiah understands that he will still be compelled to preach :

and (every time) I think, “I shall not remember it or speak any more in his name,” (then) it is in my heart,(it is) like burning fire,(like) pressure in my bones, and I am tired of holding (it) in, and cannot «bear».

Likewise, Jonah resisted the word of the Lord- and of course he ran. Moses, when he was given the word of the lord basically responded, "here I am, send my brother Aaron!"

(Indeed, it always makes me laugh when people say the church is just a big conspiracy for some men to gain power over others. I think about how much power any of the prophets ever had, and ask why would anyone have sought that out? Paul was beheaded, Peter was crucified upside down - of the 12 apostles, only John died a natural death. Even later, from Perpetua to Assissi to Bonhoeffer, the faith is not a means of gain!) What you are feeling, when you don't want to have the call of God isn't weird - in fact it is quite rational. But, you love God. And trust me, love is rarely rational. If you are married, you probably remember some of the weird things you felt compelled to do for her too. It's the same thing, only more worth it.

I say all of this to tell you that you are not the first to love God but not want to deliver his message. It is a terrifying responsibility, and it is not atypical to not desire it. From a worldly standpoint, it will neither win you friends, nor always even let you influence people.

But take heart, for as Jesus said in Matthew 5:11-12:

Blessed are you when men shall persecute you and revile you and speak all manner of evil against you for my name sake, for so treated they the prophets who were before you"

Instead just remember what he says to the good ones in Matthew 25:

Well done, thou good and faithful servant.