What is this personality split I'm feeling since practicing Vipassana?
Upvote:1
Leave aside both than romanticize and just keep up your practice. If you are too eager to Niravana then you will put too much effort. If you go the other way then worldly pleasures come with more misery attached.
Upvote:2
Whilst I vaguely used to feel this divide since long, its only since I've started practicing Vipassana that it has become more pronounced.
Meditation tends to bring forth our vague intentions,feelings,thoughts etc.In other words your just seeing it clearly now because of mindfulness.It used to go about unregistered in the subconscious until you became mindful of it.
Upvote:3
I would say dont bother with any of them. Simply note them as mental formations. They belong to the 4th aggregate and are under the effect of the 3 signs of existence.
Note them and see how they arise and cease like all other conditioned phenomena. There is no "self" experiencing this - there is only the arising and cessation of mental and physical phenomena.
Dont identify with them. Dont take ownership of them. These phenomena are impersonal and empty of any substance.
You should look up Conventional & Ultimate reality - Sammuti sacca & Paramattha sacca.
Or
Check out the discourse on the Anattalakkhana Sutta by Mahasi Sayadaw. In this discourse it is described thoroughly and in detail why the 5 aggregates cannot be taken as a "self".
Upvote:3
It's not wrong to enjoy things. You can have nirvana and you can enjoy life at the same time. In fact when you're free of the grip existence you're most capable of enjoying it: seeing the beauty of the trees and the nature. It's like a beautiful painting: you don't have to believe in the contents of the painting to be able to enjoy it. You should enjoy your life until your physical body dies.
The trouble is in your wanting: wanting to have a nirvana, wanting to avoid another birth or wanting to enjoy life.
Just be without fear. All things come in their right time. Perceive it all. The whole world is your practice ground.
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