When people sin against us but don't repent, should we forgive and forget?

There are certain steps you can take in that situation. If the person who did wrong is one of the people at the church, you can take these three steps.

FIRST STEP: Go to the one who has wronged you, and tell them of what they have done. If they repent and ask for forgivness, you must forgive them.

SECOND STEP: If the First step does not work, you can take few witness or your friends and go back and tell him/her again.

THIRD STEP: If any of these steps do not work, you can take the matter to the church. Then, the church will take care of them in these ways.

Corinthians 5 verse 2-13: Banish the one who has sinned out of the community.

Thessalonians 3 verse 4-5: Do not acknologe the sinner. If necessary, tell him about his sins so he will feel shame.

Titus 3 verse 10: If the sinner does not repent, treat him like you do not know him.

I will provide two answers here, although the core of the two answers I believe is the same.

1. Hank Hannegraaff briefly answers this question here, and in much more detail other places, by saying:

   Forgiveness is by definition a two-way street leading to the restoration of fellowship.

   In other words, he argues that it is impossible to forgive someone who does not accept the forgiveness. By extension, you cannot forgive someone who is dead, or with whom you do not communicate.

   He further states:

   We must never suppose that our standard of forgiveness is higher than God’s standard.

I highly respect Hank, but I strongly disagree with him on this issue.

I'm not sure where he gets his definition of "forgiveness" that is a two-way street, or requires acceptance. Not even one of the definitions offered here requires or even implies that the forgiven party must accept forgiveness as a condition for the forgiveness having been "completed." I am aware of no evidence--either Biblically, or in the English language, that "forgiveness is a two-way street."

In a nut shell, I believe Hank is confusing the terms "forgiveness" and "reconciliation."

Now my answer.

1. First an analogy: You buy something at the store on credit, then decide not to pay your bill. After months of annoying letters and phone calls, your contempt for the store grows, and you stop shopping at the store entirely. Eventually you move away, and leave no forwarding address. Years later, some kind soul at the store decides to forgive your debt. They send a letter to your old address saying "Please don't pay us." You never receive the letter because you have moved away.

   Was your debt forgiven? Clearly, yes. Was your relationship with the store restored? Clearly not.

   As Christians, we are called both to forgiveness and reconciliation.

   Christ offers us the same forgiveness as the store in my analogy. It is forgiveness extended to all humans. For various reasons, not all humans accept that forgiveness, and therefore reconciliation with Christ is not always experienced.

   Likewise, we are to forgive everyone who sins against us, and to whatever extent possible, seek out reconciliation with them. However, it is up to them whether they are willing to reconcile. So while our forgiveness of others is always possible, our reconciliation with others is not always possible.

Hank Hanegraaff and I agree on one point--all Christians should seek reconciliation. Our terminology differs. To Hank, reconciliation is necessary for forgiveness. In my view, they are two distinct things.

Finally, to your question of "should we forget?"--I don't believe there is any Biblical evidence that "forgetting" is part of forgiving. I may forgive someone for stealing my TV set. It would however be foolish to forget this incident, and therefore fail to put locks on my doors. I may forgive someone who attacks me, but it would be foolish to forget the incident, and make myself vulnerable to future attack.

Forgiveness is no longer holding a debt against someone. Forgetfulness is stupid.

In the Sermon of the Mount, Jesus gives commandments on how enemies and those who have wronged someone should be treated.

Matthew 5:23-26 (ESV)

23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 26 Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

Matthew 5:43-45 (ESV)

43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Take together these passage, as well as the assertion that we forgive in Our Father. I don't think Jesus really leaves room for His followers not to forgive.

Forgetting is another matter completely. Forgiveness is a choice; forgetting cannot be willed to happen. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we should forget what we forgive (though God is said to as much as forget our sins some times).