Catholic doctrine on spiritual vocation
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It seems you're asking about the difference between precepts and counsels. All are bound to follow the precepts (10 Commandments, Precepts of the Church, etc.), but a person not bound by religious vows does not sin by not living up to the counsels (poverty, chastity, obedience) to their fullest.
See:
- St. Thomas Aquinas's question "Whether, in this life, perfection consists in the observance of the commandments [precepts] or of the counsels?" (Summa Theologica II-II q. 184 a. 3).
- Fr. Antonio Royo Marín, O.P.'s Theology of Christian Perfection
- p. 141 on the obligation of the laity to strive toward perfection,
- We are all (religious and non-religious) obliged to strive for perfection (Mt. 5:48: "Be you therefore perfect").
- p. 142 on choosing the better good.
- cf. St. Thomas's commentary on Mt. 19:12 ("He that can take, let him take it [celibacy]."):
Is not a man obliged to do the greater good? I say that one must distinguish the greater good in regard to the actual performance or in regard to the desire. One is not held to the greater good in regard to their actual performance, but to the desire to do them, because every rule and every action is determined to something defined and certain: but if one is bound to do every action that is better, one is bound to something uncertain. Hence, in regard to exterior actions, because one is not bound to do something uncertain, one is not bound to do the greater good; but in regard to the desire, one is held to desire the greater good. Hence, he who does not always wish to be better, cannot wish without contempt [of doing the greater good].*
Thus, married Christians must have the spirit of the counsels, even if they do not have the opportunity to put them into practice.
* "There is a way of fulfilling this precept, so as to avoid sin, namely, if one do what one can as required by the conditions of one’s state of life: provided there be no contempt of doing better things, which contempt sets the mind against spiritual progress" (II II, q. 186, a. 2 ad 2um).
- cf. St. Thomas's commentary on Mt. 19:12 ("He that can take, let him take it [celibacy]."):
- St. Athanasius, Fragments on the Moral Life, "Allegory on Lot's ascent: Moderate and advanced virtue" (Brakke 1995 pp. 315-16):
Gen. 19:15-30: God tells Lot to save himself by fleeing to the mountain, but Lot was afraid of the arduousness of doing such a greater good; he, as St. Athanasius explains, "hesitated to go up because he was tired and he feared when he saw the fire" and "was afraid also of the angels, lest he die because he did not flee to the mountain as they had said to him." "Therefore, since he hesitated with respect to great things, he asked for a little (city) [Segor] instead", i.e., a lesser good.
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