Hate myself more and more wish to die
score:2
It's very seldom to gain a human life and as one only here is able to work ones way out of the circle of life, one shouldn't waste such seldom possibility, good householder.
It's not for one's misfortune to get early known the first Noble truth. All others around are caught in the same misery, but are just not aware yet. So may good householder eager strive to comprehend also the other three Truths to spend most blessed life and go beyond the wheel of birth, aging, sickness, death.
Don't seek for unification as it would break apart either. It's good to gain the Gems as one's refuge. It's a matter of honore onejs old merits that allowed to arrive right here and a matter of loving one self truly that one developes liberation gratitude and gain the deathless, no more subject to birth.
The first step is becoming a god by oneself by developing goodwill, compassion, sympatic joy and equanimity toward all beings, being actually in such position, one should not seek to act like a poor, demanding all around, but see that all gained had been given by others and caused them pain, sometimes liberal, often even forced. What one gives, one gains. So start to give, goodwill and acting on it.
Upvote:3
We do not have absolute control over our next birth. But that doesn't mean we cannot affect it.
Buddhists view each human life as a blessing that they received. In numerous occasions Lord Budhdha has taught us that a birth in this plane (Human) is an extremely rare thing and we should do our utmost to make the most of it.
How can you consider yourself unfortunate when you are born as a Human with capability to hear, discuss and understand Dhamma in an era where Dhamma still survives? That in itself is a huge blessing, only a very few gets to enjoy. And having the capability and platform to discuss Dhamma with someone who live half way around the globe, and having the capability to listen to a Dhamma sermon uttered on the other side of the world, hand having the means to listen to it over and over again at the click of a button. All these are huge blessings only a very few enjoy. So, first understand that despite the hardships you have faced, you are extremely lucky. Those hardships have brought you to this moment, this conversation... sometimes life slaps us so hard we just fall down and knocks good sense into us.
Like the saying goes - "When life gives you lemons, make Lemonade".
Few stories for inspiration:
- This boy was paralyzed and bedridden but he managed to write books with the few fingers he could still control
- He is a famous motivational speaker despite his birth difficulties
I went through a lot of emotional abuse due to my marriage and even considered suicide a couple of times which made me find, learn and follow Buddhism. Looking back it was the turning point of my life. And even if I get another chance, I would not change anything, as it has brought me to the peace I experience due to Dhamma. During those tough times the best rock to lean on is Dhamma. Because Dhamma will not fail you as long as you are honest to your-self. Dhamma does not judge you for things you did in the past. Even though Karma will follow you like a cart that follows the oxen, with the help of Dhamma you can play tricks and get away in the short term.
To arrive at a lasting peace we need to commit ourselves to attaining Nibbana, one step at a time. As Lord Budhdha taught us, Sunatha (Listen/Study carefully), Dharetha (Remember/Understand intently), Charatha (Practice) Dhamma. And you can turn your fate around. You can twist your misfortune into a fortune that would accrue good fortune for the rest of your sansara (the endless cycles of life). Please read my answer here on explanation of the paths towards Nirvana (the supreme bliss). IMHO, the best option is to target for Sothapanna (Stream-enterer) state in Sharawaka bodhi.
Remember, A Lotus flower in bloom will be clean and pure, and it will smell nice, but it was born in the murky depths of muddy and dark water. Could it have bloomed without the mud or murky water? No. It needs that murky, muddy water to bloom. But the Lotus flower never carries the dirt, mud or smell. Everyone has the power to turn their fate and be the lotus flower. I know and trust that you do too.
Upvote:6
You should keep on living, sorry. I have to deal with what my karma has to deal me as well. This is me now. Live forever! I am, I have no legs. I know that is nothing compared to a stroke. But you should stay strong and live on! Life is too precious you must live on Please!!!!
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