Knowingly having to hurt a close person

I'm not sure that "you have to".

Do you have a choice about it?

• If so, you don't have to -- you can choose to, if you want to.
• If not, you don't have to -- it's not you doing it, it's just the way things are.

Also I'm not sure about "announcement". That means you're making a decision (by yourself), and announcing the decision after the decision is made.

Might it be better if your mum participates in the decision-making? "Mum, I feel I'll end up in hospital if I stay here; going home was like waking up from a bad dream; what do you think I should do? What should you do? What's best for us, can we compromise? How do you find it here, are you making friends?" and so on.

It may be that she wants whatever is best for you: and so, all you have to do is to figure out with her, discuss, what that is.

Similarly you may want what's best for her ... and these goals (best for her and best for you) aren't conflicting, because what's bad for you isn't good for her and so on.

I say this without understanding your personal relationship, but ...

Also "not coming back to her" is an extreme way to phrase it. It does take hours to drive across Germany, so if you are living at opposite ends of the country then you wouldn't see each other every day, but you might still want to visit each other for holidays or something -- and talk by phone and whatever else you want.

A lot of people live in different countries, even, and/or visit (but don't live with) their parents -- and a lot of people (parents and children) cope with that, so: a) it's maybe not extreme to ask/expect; b) there are many people with experience (role models, friends and advisers) of how to manage that.

And maybe your attachment to the old place is a bit of an attachment. I remember (and sometimes "miss") many places where I used to live. Sometimes I'm reminded of the end of chapter 80 of the Tao Te Ching, instead of thirsting for other places, to be somewhere else.

I tried asking this question, Duty to parents?, people's answers to which you might find relevant.

Two thoughts, not particularly Buddhist, but coming from Buddhist experience... You may consider this inspired by my practice and the teacher's instructions...

One, regarding "the bad dream" experience. This sounds like a clear indicator that the town in the north is not your place in life. In my tradition we are taught to trust our intuition. Specifically, we believe that your life and your path should be bright... Perhaps difficult and full of effort, but not gloomy. If you feel like you're having a bad trip, that's enough of a reason for change.

Two, regarding your mom. It is pretty typical for moms who had difficult lifes, particularly had issues with their male partners, to form strong attachment to their sons. This works well for both sides for a while, but may turn into pathology over long time, if not checked. Most people who went though similar scenarios, would tell you should start separating from mom, even at the price of hurting her and yourself in the process. It will be for better long term, I think.

All in all, it sounds like you have come to the same conclusions yourself already, so all I can do is provide validation. It sounds like you're very reasonable and have good connection with your heart, so keep trusting yourself and going on your own path and you'll be fine.

As for causing pain to people... Sometimes we can't avoid it. As much as we would like to be perfect, we have to pay the price for the individualized existence. Accepting our inevitable contribution to the pain of others is a humbling experience and, in my opinion, makes us more humane.

Have you meditated on the reasons why you feel depressed being away from your hometown?

Is it friends and your social life in your hometown? Or is it some other reason?

If it is the friends and social life that's the problem, then you can try to make new friends. For e.g. why not join your local Buddhist community? For example, you can explore the Buddhistische Gesellschaft Hamburg e.V.. They seem to have a lot of interesting activities like group meditation, sutta studies and dhamma talks.

This way you can solve two problems in one go. It is not always the case that you have to choose either A or B. Sometimes, you can find a third way, C.

Drawing upon the example of the Buddha's life, he found that it did not work if he chose either over-indulgence or over-asceticism. Instead, he paved the middle way to enlightenment. The same theme can also be found in the Sona Sutta with the analogy of the strings of a lute playing music only when it's not too taut or too loose.

So, I suggest that you don't have to choose either your sanity or your mother's extraordinary dependence on you. Instead, you can pave the middle way, by solving multiple problems simultaneously.