How to propose a change in a prayer?

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How to propose a change in a prayer?

Such a proposal would have to have a considerable following to even to be considered a valid (optional) from of the Hail Mary from the traditional form at the local level. Rome would not be against such a usage as a local tradition.. Praying the Hail Mary in the form you suggest, apart from not being traditional, does not seem inappropriate or pose any problems. It is simply not the form the Church uses in English speaking countries at the moment.

In fact the last part of the Hail Mary was added to the original Hail Mary during the Black Plague.

The “Hail Mary” prayer that Christians have been praying for centuries is composed of two main parts. The first part of the prayer is derived from the Annunciation, when the angel Gabriel greeted Mary by saying, “Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with you!” (Luke 1:28) The next part of the prayer is taken from the Visitation, when Elizabeth greeted Mary with the words, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!” (Luke 1:42)

At first the prayer was known as the “Salutation of the Blessed Virgin,” and only consisted of the two verses joined together. However, during the Black Plague (also known as the “Black Death”) the prayer was further developed and a second part was added to it.

This second part (“Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death”) is believed by many to have been added during the plague to ask for the Blessed Mother’s protection from the fatal disease.

Venerable Fulton J. Sheen explains this origin in his book The World’s First Love.

Since it seizes upon the two decisive moments of life: “now” and “at the hour of our death,” it suggests the spontaneous outcry of people in a great calamity. The Black Death, which ravaged all Europe and wiped out one-third of its population, prompted the faithful to cry out to the Mother of Our Lord to protect them at a time when the present moment and death were almost one.

How the Black Plague changed the “Hail Mary” prayer

Another example comes from the French form of the Hail Mary contains a few items of interest for us here.

First of all Hail Mary does not conclude with the word Amen, although some French do. While I was living in France, we all said Ainsi soit-il in lieu of Amen.

Second point which I truly love about the French Hail Mary is that they add the words poor sinners (pauvres pêcheurs) to their Ave Maria.

For those who wanted prayers: here's the "Hail Mary.

Je vous salue, Marie, pleine de grâce. Le Seigneur est avec vous. Vous êtes bénie entre toutes les femmes, et Jésus, le fruit de vos entrailles, est béni. Sainte Marie, mère de Dieu, priez pour nous pauvres pêcheurs, maintenant et à l'heure de notre mort. Ainsi soit-il. - Hail Mary Prayer

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If you will take translation into account, “now and at the time of temptation.” will not check out because the Latin original is “nunc et in hora mortis nostræ.”

(A little conjecture from my brief answer above;: according to Manila exorcist Rev. Fr. Jocis Syquia, the hour of one’s death is in fact a boss battle between good and evil for your soul. You will be thus sorely tempted at the hour of your death. Mary’s intercession becomes important in this regard. Considering that the time of our deaths is rarely, if ever known to us, such prayer is necessary.)

There should be no problems with you pushing through with your preferred translation for your private devotion. However, you will have a problem implementing your changes in liturgical prayer, such as in the Divine Office and Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary, where the Hail Mary is part of the Incipit of Matins. You will also have a problem in the Dominican Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary, since the Hail Mary is recited on every Canonical Hour.

As per the Liturgiam Authenticam:

When it may be deemed appropriate by the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, a text will be prepared after consultation with Bishops, called a “ratio translationis”, to be set forth by the authority of the same Dicastery, in which the principles of translation found in this Instruction will be applied in closer detail to a given language. This document may be composed of various elements as the situation may require, such as, for example, a list of vernacular words to be equated with their Latin counterparts, the setting forth of principles applicable specifically to a given language, and so forth. 

Temptation would not clearly be a good translation for mortis as the latter Latin word cearly means death.

the original text, insofar as possible, must be translated integrally and in the most exact manner, without omissions or additions in terms of their content, and without paraphrases or glosses.

Overall: not a good idea.

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