According to Calvinism does God both issue commands AND withhold the ability to obey?

First, you’re not wrong about Calvinists declaring God is determining all, the whole situation and outcome:

All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God.

• John Calvin in Institutes

I discuss Calvinist thinking on the general topic, and then apply it to your question: the answers to what was asked are in the second section. Finally, some words about what in Calvinism imo usually causes the balking.

Calvinist Take on The General Topic

In addition to references, we can reason out what other responses would likely be if consistent. Some less famous who havent faced the implications will dance around saying “No don’t put that on God” then “Yes He is sovereign” in a complex loop that avoids facing and addressing the issue. What I would call real Calvinists, who have faced all the implications and addressed all the questions, have something like layers:

Even though God created and predestined a sinful world, God then righteously rules it, post-creation, as love and truth and light. As a righteous God, He abhors sin. Calvinists stick to that, including especially His dealings with us after creation in both aspects (love and judgment). There is a kind of implied division between the Creator and Sovereign with Calvinism. So why did He do it?

Ultimately, as MacArthur and Spurgeon and Calvin often make explicit, all for Gods glory. Period.

Including MacArthur here: https://youtu.be/6LFzk1afiD8 If you ever wanted a picture of the glorious, awesome, dreadful, saved-assuring cosmos outlined by an unyielding neo-Calvinist, that talk of his on the problem of evil will do it. Creating in advance a situation with sinners where He will love them but will have be righteous and therefore judge them, and yet to mercifully provide a way out that some as He created them will take and some won’t... all for His glory.

Additional reasons for creation include 1. living through vessels made in His image, and 2. that they may glorify him too, and finally 3. the idea that we cannot really know the mind of God:

[Before creation, H]is all-sufficiency could spirit of no lack. Consider next, if ye can, the eternal purpose of God that he would create... He creates that he may display his own perfections. He does beget, as it were, creatures after his own image that he may live in them; that he may manifest to others the joy, the pleasure, the satisfaction, which he so intensely feels in himself. Certain I am his own glory must have been the end he had in view; he would reveal his glory to the sons of men, to angels, and to such creatures as he had formed, in order that they might reflect his honour and sing his praise.

• Charles Spurgeon, 1916, Metropolitan Tabernacle, Newington

Your Questions

Applying that here: “makes a way out” could mean anyone seeking God’s will can escape. But some were designed and predestined such that they wouldn’t be seeking God’s will. But if they were, there would be a way out. So they were free to. But couldn’t due to Him, so kindve not free. This is the sense in which God provided a way out as I see that a Calvinist would answer.

Secondly.. a command which any God-seeking person could obey. “Could” if they had chosen to follow Christ, which they (in some sense) also “could” have done, as the offer is for all. But he made them such that they wouldn’t. Yes, it’s harsh. But fairness seems to presuppose free will. Am I being unfair to my hammer, or screwdriver? All for His purposes and glory.

This “liberty” is compatible with our being depraved, the servants of sin, able to do nothing but sin. In this way, then, man is said to have free will, not because he has a free choice of good and evil, but because he acts voluntarily, and not by compulsion. This is perfectly true: but why should so small a matter have been dignified with so proud a title [as “free will”]?

• John Calvin, On God’s Sovereignty

(To choose independently of their sinful nature requires divine intervention. I find this rings true. Calling that free will is indeed generous. Were you free before Christ?)

In Calvinism, the universe is about God not us. Any “real” Calvinist won’t (because he can’t) pretend it’s all roses. They often unofficially separate God’s creating from Him thereafter, but ultimately God created sinners to damn. Some upfront ones will say that in those words. The implication for us, come to the Cross. In practice we still function this way.

Romans 9:22 ESV

What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction

Key Points of Calvinism

This is mostly opinion about the challenges neo-Calvinism presents. Calvin himself didn’t run from them, but rarely discussed the trouble spots like those after him, “neo-Calvinists). He hammered home the hope and the opportunity.

Omnipotence

One factor making Calvinism seem harsh might be naive and fanciful notions of omnipotence. God is God, hence in control of all. But what constraints are inherent in reality? Omnipotent not meaning He can make the truly impossible happen (eg literally and mathematically make 3+3=10 be true), or other constraints. He has all the power there is, that is obvious. Beyond that we cannot know what realities can or cannot actually be made even by the Omnipotent.

The fine-tuned universe discoveries show that coherent reality is inherently difficult, not inherently robust, and that a universe where anything meaningful could happen is already not just a challenge but a miracle: https://youtu.be/bc44f_3QfwE?t=122 (next minute or so, sans his conclusion about it)

With that understanding of omnipotent, the shaking of all things, creating a new heaven and earth, and whatever else He is up to, are not simple to pull-off where it can be done in any easy fashion, and perhaps it requires some unrepentant? Or something else we cannot know.

Eternalism

Much of the problem comes from eternal damnation. If we did not believe that, then this plan of God’s would not seem so bad. Much of the objection hinges on that. Destroying the unsaved after then being used in this drama to save and glorify and eternally love the regenerate is more palatable. There is a link in the comments about the extent of support for Annihilationism.

Romans 9:23 ESV

in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory

Sovereignty would then be much more palatable, but eternal damnation is part of Calvinism. The point is that Sovereignty and predetermination in and of themselves are obviously compatible with Annihilationism as well.

Humility

Humility makes it easier. Who am I judge Him?

Job 38:1-7 ESV

38 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said,

2 Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?

3 Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.

4 Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.

5 Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?

6 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof;

7 When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

And it goes on for two chapters challenging Job about the process of creating and running the cosmos since he claims it should be done better.

The Almighty is maintaining a cogent universe, creating a new heaven and earth. Can we understand the mind of God? Dogmatic clinging to any interpretation seems overconfident.

Yes Calvin would certainly be comfortable with your phrase but only feel it was too weak in expressing the severity of the truth concerning Gods justice and power.

God is much more bold in exercising his freedom, he ‘actively hardens’ into disobedience those he commands to obey, in order that they might be used as objects of his amazing wrath. Of course this is evident in hardening Pharaoh’s heart, then killing him for his obstinance.

On Romans 9:22 one can get a glimpse of Calvins thoughts on the subject:

Romans 9:22 (Calvin Ro): 22. And what, &c. A second answer, by which he briefly shows, that though the counsel of God is in fact incomprehensible, yet his unblamable justice shines forth no less in the perdition of the reprobate than in the salvation of the elect. He does not indeed give a reason for divine election, so as to assign a cause why this man is chosen and that man rejected; for it was not meet that the things contained in the secret counsel of God should be subjected to the judgment of men; and, besides, this mystery is inexplicable. He therefore keeps us from curiously examining those things which exceed human comprehension. He yet shows, that as far as God’s predestination manifests itself, it appears perfectly just. The particles, εἰ δὲ, used by Paul, I take to mean, And what if? so that the whole sentence is a question; and thus the sense will be more evident: and there is here an ellipsis, when we are to consider this as being understood,—“Who then can charge him with unrighteousness, or arraign him?” for here appears nothing but the most perfect course of justice. But if we wish fully to understand Paul, almost every word must be examined. He then argues thus,—**There are vessels prepared for destruction, that is, given up and appointed to destruction: they are also vessels of wrath, that is, made and formed for this end, that they may be examples of God’s vengeance and displeasure. **If the Lord bears patiently for a time with these, not destroying them at the first moment, but deferring the judgment prepared for them, and this in order to set forth the decisions of his severity, that others may be terrified by so dreadful examples, and also to make known his power, to exhibit which he makes them in various ways to serve; and, further, that the amplitude of his mercy towards the elect may hence be more fully known and more brightly shine forth;—what is there worthy of being reprehended in this dispensation? But that he is silent as to the reason, why they are vessels appointed to destruction, is no matter of wonder. He indeed takes it as granted, according to what has been already said, that the reason is hid in the secret and inexplorable counsel of God; whose justice it behoves us rather to adore than to scrutinize. And he has mentioned vessels, as commonly signifying instruments; for whatever is done by all creatures, is, as it were, the ministration of divine power. For the best reason then are we, the faithful, called the vessels of mercy, whom the Lord uses as instruments for the manifestation of his mercy; and the reprobate are the vessels of wrath, because they serve to show forth the judgments of God. (Calvins Commentaries on Romans 9:22)

However one must not conclude that by not arguing against the scriptures and accepting Gods free right to soften and give grace to who he will and to harden and destroy who he will, like a potter with his clay, that it creates conflict with his love for the world. Gods predestination does not contradict his universal love for all. However it certainly seems to contradict to a dumb human like me but that’s because humans can’t look directly into the glory of God and live, otherwise his infinite councils of knowledge would blow up and end our finite spools of thread we call the brain.

Many Calvinistic theologians accept both predestination and Gods love and don’t try to reconcile the seeming contradiction but rather trust God, knowing we are not equal to God we can’t even understand scientific things in the creation let alone eternal balancing of incomprehensible attributes of love, knowledge, justice, power, etc:

Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? (Job 28:1-5 NIV)

You used the phrase, "God's provision of repentance leading to salvation". God's provisions are seen throughout all of creation to be supplied in order for good appetites to be satisfied. Do we feel hungry? God has provided an abundance of food so that we do not die. Do we feel thirsty? God has provided an abundance of drink so that we do not die. Do we feel sexual urges? God has provided the means to enjoy sex (within stipulated circumstances, it must be added) so that the human race will not die out. And here is where the provision of repentance unto life comes in. Let me explain.

God has created us all with a conscience. A God-given conscience starts out as sensitive to what is wrong, (sensitive to sin, in theological terms) - sensitive to doing, and even thinking, that which is against God and his ways. That conscience can lead to desiring to avoid that which is against God. But that desire has to be much more than wishful thinking; it has to be a heart-felt longing to please God, not self. That is because the supply of a God-given conscience is designed to satisfy the desire to please God. Everybody starts out with that, whether they acknowledge that fact in later life, or not. But because the heart of sinners is corrupt (spiritually 'dead') God has to create a new heart that beats for him - which he does, for those who cry out to him.

Therefore, God's provision of repentance is initially his provision of conscience, which will satisfy our need to live in harmony with our creator. It is also his provision of the finished work of Christ - already available. Tragically, many people stifle their conscience, if not actually sear it as with a branding iron. (1 Timothy 4:2 - "having their conscience seared with a hot iron...") God does not sear their conscience. They do that themselves because they have no appetite for doing what pleases God. They do not want God's provision to satisfy the need to please God because they choose to please themselves.

That is why the call to repent is both a command and an invitation, for nobody is forced to repent if they prefer to satisfy their own desires instead of God's.

Repentance is certainly not an option for, without it, nobody will be saved. You said, "unless repentance (a change of mind) is given to an individual..." I have just explained why it is a God-given conscience that is given to every individual, but repentance is not just changing one's mind about matters; it is receiving the mind of Christ, which is impossible without God's enabling (1 Corinthians 2:16). That is what accompanies salvation and convinces the individual that God truly has forgiven and saved them. They think entirely differently. Their desire to please God increases year on year as they become ever more sensitive to a now spiritually enlivened conscience.

The Westminster Confession has a section on Christian Liberty, and Liberty of Conscience, which I will briefly allude to.

"The liberty which Christ hath purchased for believers under the gospel, consists in their freedom from the guilt of sin [a matter of conscience, I would suggest], the condemning wrath of God" [and many other things] "as also in their free access to God, and their yielding obedience unto him, not out of slavish fear, but a child-like love, and willing mind." XX.1

A commentary on this section of what can be called 'a Calvinistic' stance explains:

"But man in his fallen state, has liberty without ability to do good because of his total depravity. He is free to do as he pleases, but he is not pleased to do good at all." The Westminster Confession of Faith for Study Classes, p147, G.I. Williamson (Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Co. 1964)

A God-given conscience starts to be stifled by displeasure at what God calls 'good', substituting that for what sinful, spiritually dead people call 'good'. The desire to please self begins to grow until that conscience is seared.

So, this is not really a matter of the ability to obey being withheld (by God, as you think). As the Westminster Confession goes on to say about God alone being the true lord of the conscience:

"God alone is lord of the conscience, and hath left it free from the doctrines and commandments of men which are in any thing contrary to his word, or beside it, in matters of faith or worship. So that to believe such doctrines, or to obey such commandments out of conscience, is to betray true liberty of conscience." XX.2

When men desire to be lord of their conscience, they are rejecting God's provision to satisfy the desire to please God. Neither is this really a matter of 'just' having a change of mind, for repentance is being given the mind of Christ so that one then desires to live obediently to honour God. Trying to obey laws won't cut it. Only having the mind of Christ brings transformation of mind that is shown in transformed living. Right desires are rightly provided for by God, and those who have God as lord of their conscience know it.