I am asking personal help, I want to renounce my home?

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Accepted answer

There once was a potter named Ghaṭīkāra, who was the chief supporter of Buddha Kassapa. He was a lay person, deeply devout, and was once asked why he did not go forth.

MN81:11.2: ‘Dear Ghaṭīkāra, you have heard this teaching, so why don’t you go forth from the lay life to homelessness?’

His answer was simple:

MN81:11.3: ‘Don’t you know, dear Jotipāla, that I look after my blind old parents?’

Ghaṭīkāra was also a non-returner.

MN81:18.6: Ghaṭīkāra has gone for refuge to the Buddha, the teaching, and the Saṅgha. He doesn’t kill living creatures, steal, commit sexual misconduct, lie, or take alcoholic drinks that cause negligence. He has experiential confidence in the Buddha, the teaching, and the Saṅgha, and has the ethics loved by the noble ones. He is free of doubt regarding suffering, its origin, its cessation, and the practice that leads to its cessation. He eats in one part of the day; he’s celibate, ethical, and of good character. He has set aside gems and gold, and rejected gold and money. He’s put down the shovel and doesn’t dig the earth with his own hands. He takes what has crumbled off by a riverbank or been dug up by mice, and brings it back in a carrier. When he has made a pot, he says, “Anyone may leave bagged sesame, mung beans, or chickpeas here and take what they wish.” He looks after his blind old parents. And since he has ended the five lower fetters, Ghaṭīkāra will be reborn spontaneously and will become extinguished there,

The story of Ghaṭīkāra shows that one can take refuge in the Buddha, the teaching and the Saṅgha while living a simple life at home.

May your suffering ease in the limitless.

Upvote:0

First of all it's importand to do not take ones ideas higher as what one would be taught and trained once gotten accept by a serious Sangha, propably after a longer "test-period" as good householder seemingly is a "previous member of other sects". If good householder could imagine to lower himself for a secure going forth, then good for the secound point:

Good householder should speak in any case open and with lot of gratitude with his mother on his aspiration, and then, if sure, asking her for going forth and accept her decision.

Of course good anyway to seek out for a Sangha and a teacher (personal Nissaya) whom good householder may ask if he accepts him, so that he could announce one when asking for acceptance. Good also, to get more familar to community life in chosen monastery. All much good householder would need to look for, for now. And nothing to worry, since one serious and not just confused, the Devas will open the gates.

[Note that this isn't given for stacks, exchange, other world-binding trades, but for an escape from this wheel]

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