Lending a friend money,and not getting it back

Upvote:1

From AN5.213:

“Mendicants, there are these five drawbacks for an unethical person because of their failure in ethics. What five?

Firstly, an unethical person loses substantial wealth on account of negligence. This is the first drawback.

Furthermore, an unethical person gets a bad reputation. This is the second drawback.

Furthermore, an unethical person enters any kind of assembly timid and embarrassed, whether it’s an assembly of aristocrats, brahmins, householders, or ascetics. This is the third drawback.

Furthermore, an unethical person dies feeling lost. This is the fourth drawback.

Furthermore, an unethical person, when their body breaks up, after death, is reborn in a place of loss, a bad place, the underworld, hell. This is the fifth drawback.

These are the five drawbacks for an unethical person because of their failure in ethics.

These drawbacks lead to much suffering. As you can see, your friend is gathering a bad reputation and has insufficient wealth to pay you back. Money does not cure a lack of ethics. This is a sad state of affairs.

Yet if you turn a blind eye and cut off your compassion, that too is a sad state of affairs.

So let's talk about giving. From AN8.31, you did #4 with an expectation of return:

“Mendicants, there are these eight gifts. What eight?

A person might give a gift after insulting the recipient.

Or they give out of fear.

Or they give thinking, ‘They gave to me.’

Or they give thinking, ‘They’ll give to me.’

Or they give thinking, ‘It’s good to give.’

Or they give thinking, ‘I cook, they don’t. It wouldn’t be right for me to not give to them.’

Or they give thinking, ‘By giving this gift I’ll get a good reputation.’

Or they give thinking, ‘This is an adornment and requisite for the mind.’

These are the eight gifts.”

Now take a very careful look at the last way of giving:

This is an adornment and requisite for the mind

Can you give in this way? Because if you give in this way...

“Sāriputta, someone who gives gifts, not for any other reason, but thinking, ‘This is an adornment and requisite for the mind’, when their body breaks up, after death, is reborn among the gods of Brahmā’s Host. --AN7.52

Notice that in this way of giving, you must be sure that you are giving to good purpose (i.e., "requisite"). When people come to my door asking for charity money, I offer them food. Oddly, they refuse the food and leave. This tells me they were not hungry.

Upvote:4

Next time better simply give, never expect something return, for bondage is seldom a help for both, all involved. If not able to give, that's "fine" as well, but never lend. Even if now saying "no need to pay back", for example, your friend might be even more lost.

My person did, after doing such one or two times, never gave loans and it makes/made much more on releasing joy to simply give when asked and able to, and never even a little regret in don't giving loans but make clear liberal gifts.

Now what to expect? Just let it be his good and proper or demerits? If possible to bear it. Would be one possibility: patient. Things are at least not for sure and giving, even if time and place to get back on good track, is always good.

Much joy in wise and liberal growing. Joy in giving without intended on a deal or back of low and material things.

(Note that this is not given for trade exchange or stacks, but to turn toward freedom from bound in loan giving because of debt)

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