What are the limits of Buddhist compassion?

True central insight into Buddhist thought are the three marks of existence, namely: all conditioned things are ever-changing/transitory (anicca), all conditioned things produce suffering/dissatisfaction (dukkha) and all things have an impersonal nature (anatta).

So firstly, when someone truly grasps Buddhist ideas, they understand that suffering (dukkha) is the same for everyone, hence the term com-passion, or pain is common. Even more so, that all pain has a common origin (dukkha samudaya), which is craving. So the limit would be the complete annihilation of suffering (dukkha nirodha).

Secondly, the concept of an ego is to be seen as an illusory convention in order to escape it, so there are no interconnected entities, but only transient phenomena. Abandoning the cravings of one's so called ego in order to fulfill the cravings of another ego is deceitful compassion. That effort would be praise worthy only if while striving inwardly, one also encourages others outwardly too to progress on the path that methodically leads to the complete annihilation of suffering (dukkha nirodha gamini patipada).

Without the desire for reciprocity, that is the only true help that a person can give another.

I think 'compassion' is a word over used in Western Buddhism.

My impression of compassion is it is the intention/wish to end suffering.

Therefore, more often in everyday life, our helping of others with a generosity of spirit comes under the sphere of 'generosity' rather than 'compassion'.

With 'generosity', it is generally something more sparing & selective.

Where as 'compassion' is something more urgent & necessary.

If we are not compassionate, this means we are cruel.

But if we decide to not exercise our generosity, this is not so blameworthy.

From the Theravada perspective, four brahmaviharas (sublime states or sublime abodes) are virtuous mental states or virtuous mental attitudes that are cultivated, to counter negative mind states.

• Compassion is used to counter contempt. This is how you deal with the suffering of people worse off than you.
• Empathetic joy is used to counter envy and jealousy. This is how you deal with others being better off than you.
• Loving kindness is used to counter ill will. This is how you prepare your mind to treat others.
• Equanimity is used to counter aversion and passion towards blame and praise, ill will and kindness. This is how you deal with how others treat you.

They are used to brighten and uplift the mind, as well as guide the way we relate to people and society around us.

If your grandmother who has senile dementia lashes out at you in anger or doesn't behave like normal people do, would you be judgemental or contemptuous against her? No. You would be compassionate towards her, because you understand that she has senile dementia.

Similarly, you can generate compassion by trying to understand that other people are suffering and there may be genuine underlying reasons for their suffering and condition. It could be their life situation (e.g. poverty or undergoing divorce) or even mental states (e.g. ignorance, or clouded by anger or other negative emotions).

When it comes to compassion, the Buddha taught to show it also to those who are not virtuous:

“And what kind of person, bhikkhus, is not to be associated with, followed, and served? Here, some person is inferior to oneself in virtuous behavior, concentration, and wisdom. Such a person is not to be associated with, followed, and served except out of sympathy and compassion.
AN 3.26

From my own experience, originating from Mahayana understanding, I have come to a conclusion that cultivating compassion itself is kind of a folly. A waste of time.

I am not saying compassion is a mistake, but especially from Mahayana PoV where compassion is seen as a "virtuous mind state" that IS the way to liberation and point of existence (leading to bodhicitta) it seems illogical.

The Buddha explained that compassion is an antidote to ill will, nothing more. He did not explain that compassion is a step towards liberation, he actually states that it leads to a more fortunate rebirth but not specifically to liberation, hence why it is not a part of the eightfold path. Wiki page here of the 4 immeasurables.

This is not to say that compassion is an unwholesome mindstate, it is not a klesha in the conventional terms, a defilement the ruins stillness and peace of mind. If anything compassion bring pleasure and joy to the person experiencing it.

Still my experience with compassion, as well as the logic of anatta has led me to believe it is a waste of time to put effort into cultivating, unless of course you are a hateful person, or have hate for a specific person, again it can be used as an antidote to ill will.
In fact compassion arises naturally anyway while leading a virtuous life.
One only needs to think of another or our own suffering in the past to experience the mindstate naturally.

As for a more conventional look at compassion, in society I have experienced that compassion is often seen as a weakness. This will depend on each of our own personal social circumstances but for my own PoV being a man and living in a lower class life in a western society, compassion is not often seen as a virtue to others. This will obviously differ depending on other circumstances. Say a female in a nursing profession having compassion for a patient will be seen as virtuous, as an example.

Lastly you can keep in mind that you can have compassion for others but actually not show others that you have compassion for them. Compassion is an inner mental factor, it is not an external action, or word. There is often no need to show others compassion and in some cases showing compassion can harm others as they feel you pity them. It is actually a difficult mindstate to express emotionally or even with words.

Ultimately you can perfect compassion and have what is known as universal (great) compassion by the mahayana yet nobody other than you will ever know, as there is no way to show this "attainment" to others.