I have been in your shoes before. Several times, in Moscow.
My advice is to either 1.) consider not attending at all….or 2.) be prepared to toast with the best of them.
Usually you can tell them you are not Russian and they will not make you drink as much (if they are merciful and nice people).
It also depends on your relationship to these Russian people. In my case, it is my father in law and I cannot say no. Ever. It is a sign of weakness and he enjoys watching me drink alongside him. When the women in our family leave the dining room to get more food, he will pour me several more and tell me to hurry and drink before they come back!
Russians want you to toast with them, even if you don’t swallow or drink it. If you don’t want to toast, consider staying home or having a strategy to fool them (which is hard), like with water or small sips. Also, as the night progresses, nobody is watching and you don’t have to drink it all. Just pretend to drink it, and they may not even notice, as they get drunker and drunker. Try to drink small and not keep pace with them. I understand your struggle. Good luck!
I understand that drinking wine instead of vodka is accepted. While when drinking beer you are expected to drink vodka in addition.
If you politely say you don’t want to drink it, and then stick to your word without getting irate, then if your host isn’t an a**hole then they will be fine with it and others also might decide not to drink with you. However, if its a first meeting and its a hospitality thing, then it can be more difficult. You can either be honest and say you don’t want to drink for whatever reason- health, safety, clarity etc, or make something up about having an illness.
I’m a Russian who doesn’t drink vodka. If your goal is not to drink at all – just say so and be done with that. If you like to drink a little but just don’t want to kill your liver – tell them that you prefer cognac or whiskey (whichever you like the best). Wine will also work but probably raise a couple of “be a man” things.
The goal is to have a drink that you’d traditionally sip, rather than downing the whole thing. So you can sit and enjoy your 150 of cognac for the whole evening. I basically tell people that I can’t tolerate any grain based drinks other than beer, and cognac is my choice.
Driving a car is the best excuse. The best solution is not hanging out with alcoholics who don’t respect non-drinkers 🙂
As a Russian and non-drinker, I want to add some info about the culture of drinking in Russia.
First of all: You don’t have to drink vodka, even if your partners are. It is ok if you just say: I can’t drink alcohol as strong as vodka, I need wine (or c**ktails, or whatever you need). Ask women about this – they’re more reliable in such situations. But if you choose wine, make sure that it is not home-made – this can contain even more alcohol than in vodka 🙂
Second: as @yevhene said, you can drink less volume, even if you have a whole cup in your hands. But get ready for some jokes about it.
Tips while drinking:
Tips for after the party, but before bed:
You need to drink same number of portions. But not same volume. This is major point! You can ask for half or quarter of portion. This is not break the rite. (In very difficult cases you need to drink 3 first full portion and then you can ask for half.)
I was in the unfortunate position of being insistingly encouraged to drink 3 years ago on the Trans-Siberian. I was much worse for wear after that experience, and sought out suggestions (in fact I really shouldn’t have had that much considering my meds).
Anyway, this year I returned. And indeed, the best way if you can’t just refuse outright, is simply to touch the glass to your lips. Don’t neck the whole thing, just a touch is all they’re looking for – and in fact I noticed other Russians doing the same thing.
It’s the social process – the common bonding of a group, done easily with a drink. It’s not about how much you drink, more that you’re joining in. So touch it to your lips, maybe even take a couple of sips every so often if you’d like to, but don’t feel compelled to finish it. And even if they do notice, at the worst take a sip when they point it out and continue – they’ll soon forget 🙂
Enjoy it, it’s a great way to meet the locals, and it’s possible to do so without being floored!
Excuse: And if you really are being pressured and don’t want to continue, there’s nothing wrong with (as I did) pointing out that you can have a little, but too much will be bad. Even without the language skills, pointing to my drink and pointing to my heart and making bad faces got the message across, they actually looked a little guilty for a few seconds before continuing to have fun 😉
In Bulgaria, Russia, former USSR countries and others, it’s considered offensive not to drink when you’ve been invited to, and you might need a good solid excuse if you decide not to drink at all. Expect to be on the receiving end of some good-natured banter if you decide to abstain completely.
Medical reasons are a possibility, although it will be difficult to refuse to drink at least once with your hosts, regardless of your (supposed or actual) ailment.
But if you decide to drink with the best of them, then you are expected to do so each and every time a toast is raised — which can get you down pretty quickly if you are not a serious drinker.
What you can do is just pretend to drink from your glass after every toast — you don’t have to shove the whole 100 g down your throat every time. Just take a little sip (maybe a little bit more in the beginning), and after the first few rounds the hosts and their guests will be in too cheerful a mood to notice you’re not keeping up volume-wise.
Your glass will be helpfully refilled by someone sitting close to you when getting below one-third or so, so just don’t empty it as quickly. There’s always more where that came from.
There’s a whole culture of proper drinking in Eastern Europe, so here are some generic drinking tips that will help you a lot if you are drinking only occasionally:
Good luck, and Наздраве!
I haven’t been in this position in Russia but I have been in Romania and Serbia just recently.
Nobody seemed to mind when I ordered lots of glasses of water while I was drinking. I had an excuse for being dehydrated (once from being on the beach all day and once for having hitchhiked a long way).
I didn’t refuse drinks but I had as many waters as ţuicăs, palincăs or rakijas and made sure my alcohol glass didn’t get empty as often as theirs.
Use the same excuse, medical reasons. You can say if you drink a little more, will really harm your medication, and you didn’t mentioned before to not be rude. I think that’s a nice way. Your idea!
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5 Mar, 2024
5 Mar, 2024