I don’t have a great solution for you, but here are some options, too long for a comment:
There’s SOLVIT. I suspect that the timeframe of 10 weeks may be longer than you have, but they may be able to resolve the question more quickly than that. (Furthermore, I am unfamiliar with EU law on divergent administrative practices, but the free-movement directive does not establish standards for the evaluation of family relationships. That implies that this is left to national law, so it may be difficult to challenge the officer’s recognition of your documents except within the Italian system. Still, it can’t hurt to try the easier options first.)
You could try another country’s consulate. That could be difficult if you can’t easily change your trip to make that country your “main destination.”
If Ireland registers foreign marriages, you might be able to get them to register your marriage with your Irish name, which might help, but that’s a lot of ifs. In particular, it does not appear at first glance that Ireland registers foreign marriages.
You can also of course try to apply for a regular Schengen visa, submitting appropriate financial proofs that are acceptable to the consulate. The consular officer will gloat, but if that is the price for not having to cancel your vacation then it may be worth humbling yourself just to get through it and get your wife on the plane.
In the longer term, you should be able to get your US passport corrected. Even though there’s only a single spot on the application for “middle name,” it should be possible to put two words there. I would also look into the possibility of getting the marriage certificate changed or amended; whether that will be possible will depend on the law of the place where you were married, which you haven’t identified.
Credit:stackoverflow.com‘
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